Category Archives: motherhood

The gift of my mother’s death

Posted by May 12, 2017 Happiness, health, motherhood, parenthood, parenting, passion, yoga Leave a Comment
The gift of my mother’s death

It’s that time of year again; Mother’s day. That time during which the unspoken tribe I belong to, the one of Motherless daughters, struggles to celebrate themselves as mothers (or other mothers in their lives), and honour their loved one without allowing themselves to be overridden with grief. On a whim I decided to write this blog and it is my gift to all those who have a mother with them and even those whose mothers live in heaven.

My mother’s death was a gift. A gift of spiritual awakening. Of course I didn’t see it that way at first. Like most who experience the loss of a loved one I had waves of anger, sadness, immense grief and even physical pain. I was unable to even function as a normal person would for a very long time. I resolved myself to the thinking that my life would probably follow the same path as hers and I might as well give up. Those days lasted for weeks and months but eventually became only hours and minutes of emotional pain. Somewhere between the grief and acceptance that I would live the rest of my life without her came a spiritual awakening. One, I believe, may not have occurred if she were still alive today. There are still moments of intense sadness but they are taken over with spurts of desire to live my life to its absolute fullest. To lose a parent means you take nothing for granted, you can almost hear the proverbial clock ticking. Not long after my mom passed away I got married, had two kids, and made a complete career change (all of which wasn’t the same without her). I know that my mom had regrets before her death. We spoke daily about life and things she would have changed. When you go through that experience with someone you can’t NOT live life with urgency. I wonder where I was spiritually before this experience. I remember thinking I had time to do the things I dreamed of with my life. Then I suddenly realized I didn’t have time.

So here’s my gift to you. If you are blessed to still have your mother with you, spend time with her. Spend time doing the most mundane or simple things. Go grocery shopping with her, gardening, house cleaning. Talk about nothing and everything. Enjoy her as much as you can and forgive her when she upsets or frustrates you. To those in my tribe, take some time this weekend to honour your mum. Reflect on how her passing has changed you in a positive way. It sounds horrific at first but I promise it will change everything.

Happy Mother’s Day!

My three reasons why girls should play rugby

Posted by Jul 30, 2016 fitness, health, kids, motherhood, parenthood, parenting, passion, Rugby, sports, Women's rugby, workout Leave a Comment
My three reasons why girls should play rugby

Growing up in Canada I had never heard of rugby. Canadian kids grew up playing sports like hockey, soccer and baseball. I was one of them until I hit high school. My high school had several boys’ teams and I was drawn to the sport as a spectator wanting to learn the complex “laws” of the game and experience the rich culture that came along with it. I vividly remember visiting the boys’ coach to ask if we could start a girls team. I wrangled some of my friends and promised a fun time even though I wasn’t too sure what I was getting us into. This was 1993 in Brantford, Ontario. At this time no high school female teams existed in Brant County and my school, Brantford Collegiate Institute, became the first. Canada did have a women’s rugby national team at that time but there weren’t opportunities at the high school level and limited club teams for young women. By 1998 there was 110 high school girls’ rugby teams in Ontario, 30 women’s club teams and 8 university league teams. Not very big numbers when you consider that rugby was first played by men in Canada in 1860!

You only need to spend a few minutes with a current or ex-player to understand how passionately we love the sport of rugby. The bruises, blood and broken bones pale in comparison to all that is gained through a female’s involvement in rugby. I literally get teary-eyed just thinking of how much I love the sport, the experiences I had through rugby and of course the people I have met through rugby (including my husband!).

So here are my 3 reasons why I think girls should play rugby:

  1. Team environment: A rugby team is 15 players on the field with several subs and many clubs and schools have enough players to field multiple teams. No rugby team can win without everyone’s involvement on the field and the team bond transcends off the field as well. You become sisters, you are there for each other because you need to in order to win. The culture of rugby is very different from other sports. The team celebrates after the game together with the opposition. There is a level of respect so high that many non-rugby athletes cannot comprehend it. When a rugby team is engaged in social activities EVERY player is invited and expected to attend. What this means for young girls is that there are no exclusions, everyone is part of the team and we are all there for each other. I have never experienced this in any other activity I’ve been involved in and this is probably why I still keep in touch with my ex-teammates over ten years after I retired.
  2. There is a position on the field for every body type and athletic ability: I came from a dance background to rugby and I was used to the expectation that you had to have a particular physique to dance. I think the same can be true for other sports such as gymnastics, swimming and soccer. This can have negative effects on young girls as their bodies mature and change. As such their interest in a particular sport may suffer as a result. In rugby there are somewhat specialized positions on the field that might suit one body type over an other allowing for a broader scope and acceptance. Girls who once found it challenging to fit the mold of another sport might just find a great fit with rugby and with their teammates.
  3. An intense physical sport: Rugby is a contact sport which requires great physical and emotional strength. There aren’t many female sports which involve the same amount of contact as the male version (both sexes play by the same rules/Laws). I never knew what I was capable physically until I endured rugby practices and games. Girls grow with confidence on and off the field and this has broad effects in their lives especially during the teen years. I never even considered myself an athlete until I started playing rugby. And now I know that I can run, tackle and outlast anyone (even a man) if I decide to because of the mental toughness I have learned through rugby.

Most community rugby clubs now have programs for girls starting at age 6 which are non-contact and emphasize ball handling skills and of course the culture of rugby. The future of women’s rugby worldwide and especially in Canada is very bright! And if that wasn’t enough to get you to encourage a young woman to try rugby our Canadian National women’s team is currently ranked 2nd in the world (while the men are ranked 18th) and our Seven’s team is heading to Rio to compete in the summer olympics and are favored to win a medal. This is a great time to be a lady rugger!

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A girls-only game often is played at the beginning of tournaments in Ontario. Here are the girls right before their game having some fun together.

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You can’t imagine my pride now that my own daughter has started playing. Here she is in the U10 co-ed category running fiercely with the ball. She was reluctant to make the change from soccer to rugby this year but is now hooked and loving the sport.

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U10 co-ed players celebrate with the opposing teams after a game.

Why I recommend dance lessons for kids

Posted by Jun 6, 2016 dance, fitness, health, kids, motherhood, parenthood, parenting, passion, sports, yoga Leave a Comment
Why I recommend dance lessons for kids

I started dance lessons at the age of 3. Maybe it was because I loved to move as an toddler or maybe, more than likely, it was because my mother danced herself. At around age 8 I started competing in jazz and ballet which entailed lots of classes, practices, rehearsals and performances. When I was 16 years old I decided dance was no longer for me. And it wasn’t until this past weekend that I really decided what I thought about all those years filled with dance.

I danced a lot. And I believe I burnt out as a teenager. I didn’t see a future for me in dance and I was enjoying athletics more and more so I decided to drop dance cold turkey. It wasn’t until I had a daughter that I started to reflect more on whether all that time (and money!) spent dancing was worth it and whether I would want her to follow a similar path. I sacrificed a lot as a child to dance. Missed events with friends and not a lot of family travel since the cost to dance was high and most weeks off of school were for competitions. I wasn’t sure if I wanted all of that for her. But in time she started to ask about dance lessons. We took some baby steps and signed her up for baby ballet which led to jazz and ballet, however, only recreational so that she had time to explore this for herself. This past weekend she performed in her dance studio’s year-end recital. The morning of she was extremely nervous and hesitant. Immediately I asked myself “Am I unconsciously pushing her to do this?”. Watching the show took me back. I felt so many emotions that I wasn’t even really sure what I was feeling. I remember one of my dance teachers used to “ugly” cry at the end of every recital. And now I get it. There is such a culmination of emotion, blood, sweat and tears. You see all the hard work of the dancers, teachers, and parents come together. When my daughter performed she appeared so joyful and at ease on stage, all of her worries melted away as her bright red smile spread from ear to ear. She came off stage and told me how much fun she had, how happy she was and how she never wanted her routines to end. Her statements hit me like a punch to the stomach (in a good way!). This is how I used to feel. This is why I devoted so much time to dance. And maybe it wasn’t all a waste of time.

So here are 5 reasons why I recommend dance lessons for kids:

  1. It’s a great form of exercise. They work every muscle in their body and it’s physical hard work. Dance requires the perfect balance between strength and flexibility which will be beneficial no matter if they stick with dance or move onto something else.
  2. They learn coordination and proprioception. My start in dance prepared me for other endeavors. I went on to play baseball, volleyball, track, basketball and rugby. Dance helped me with each of these sports.
  3. Dance builds confidence. When a young person steps on stage they gain self-esteem. This will be used in all aspects of life and will stay with them into adulthood.
  4. Friendships are formed. Dancers work together as a team and support one-another. I still keep in touch with people that I danced with.
  5. Dance is creative and a form of self-expression. It allows individuals to express themselves just like music and art.

I may not have become a professional dancer but I now know, after revisiting the world of dance through my daughter’s eyes, that my time in dance created a pretty awesome foundation for life. So for now I will use these talents and skills in other areas and continue to rock the living room dance party at home and the occasional wedding!

 

thumbnail_IMG_6118.jpgOne of my sisters and I in what would be my last time competing in jazz.

Honouring Myself

Posted by May 9, 2016 Happiness, health, motherhood, parenthood, yoga Leave a Comment

Mother’s day for this year has come and gone. Even though I have been a mother myself for nearly nine years I still find the lead up and the day very difficult since I lost my mom to cancer twelve years ago. I tend to anticipate the sadness of the day by busying myself and making plans other than celebrating. And this is what I did this year. I knew my love for teaching yoga teacher trainees would be a happy way to spend the day so I committed myself to that.

One of the topics I shared with the group was the importance of taking care of yourself as a teacher and a yogi. We discussed how some days you have to give your classes to other teachers when you are feeling tired and drained. I know from past experience that trainings that last for full days and weekends leave me feeling this way yet a voice in my head said “You will be fine to teach your regular classes on Monday morning. You have toughed it out before. You can do this”. While I can appreciate my internal motivational speaker at times, I had to stop and ask myself why I felt the need to “tough it out”. Luckily I have a profession that allows me to take time off so I did just that. No plans for most of the day just an opportunity to rest and listen to my body. As my children left for school they asked me: “What are you going to do all day? Just lay around and drink coffee?” My answer was: “Something like that”. I feel it is important to show them that I decided I needed a day to slow down and honour myself as a woman and as a mother. I want them to learn that parents need time to take care of themselves so that they can be parents who are present, healthy and happy individuals. Perhaps if my mother had shown me I wouldn’t be hearing the “tough it out voice”.

So today, the day after Mother’s Day, I’m slowing down to honour my mother and the sacrifices she made for her four kids. And I’m honouring myself as a mother and my need to rest and renew.

“There is no way to be a perfect mother….but a million ways to be a good one.”

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My Mom and I on Lake Kamaniskeg, her happy place.